Today is one of my "why?" days.
My radiation burn is peeling. It itches and hurts. The cavity where my tumor used to be is now the sole target of a stronger radiation treatment. And it aches. And all I can do is ask why.
I don't want to know why I have to go through this. I want to know why I am so fortunate. Why was I spared the pain of a larger tumor...the emotional turmoil of mastectomy...the sickness and hair loss of chemo? Why do I get to live when cancer takes the lives of so many who deserve to live?
These answers are not mine to know. But still I wonder why. And I am grateful that I get to do that wondering.
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
Saturday, March 17, 2012
The Next Big Test
I'm more than half done with radiation. My pink paper chain has only 13 links remaining. But I'm definitely feeling some of the effects. Luckily it's not bad. I'm a little tired, but my job is always exhausting at this time of year, so it's hard for me to differentiate what's being caused by radiation and what is just my normal state of being for the month of March.
The other side effect I'm experiencing, however, is very clearly being caused by the radiation. The skin over my entire breast and under my left arm appears sunburned. Very sunburned. Very much like in this picture I found on the internet:
It doesn't hurt or itch much except where the elastic band of my bra rubs right under the breast. But medical professionals keep asking me if it hurts or itches, which makes me think I'm getting off pretty easy. They gave me a special cream to rub on it to soothe it, and that helps. Sometimes the whole breast feels like it's on fire. But most of the time I'm still able to completely forget that I'm going through cancer treatment at all.
Next week will bring some more new experiences. On Tuesday I'll have a CT Scan and an ultrasound to see how things look on the inside. The final eight radiation treatments will be focused on just the cavity where the tumor was removed (if one remains at all), so the ultrasound will give the doctors a better look at that so they can plan. And sometime this next week I'll have to have some blood drawn so I can be tested for BRCA, the genetic mutation commonly known as the breast cancer gene.
I met with a genetic oncologist a while back to discuss this testing. We weighed out my risk factors.
On the one side, the type of breast cancer I had is not often caused by this genetic mutation. On the other side, I am abnormally young for breast cancer to have appeared without some sort of genetic predisposition. And given my mother's history of breast cancer, my insurance company agreed that this expensive test was worth it for me.
If the test comes back that I do not carry this genetic mutation, then we know that my cancer was a fluke and unlikely to repeat itself. If it comes back that I do carry the genetic mutation, then I will have some decisions to make. Do I pursue preventative surgeries? I probably would not choose to do preventative mastectomy like Christina Applegate did. The return of breast cancer is fairly easy to catch with proper screening, and I don't see any need to take action on that until cancer returns...if cancer returns. But the difficult decision will be about my ovaries. In pre-menopausal women, the estrogen produced by the ovaries is the primary cause of breast cancer. And women who carry the BRCA genetic mutation are significantly more likely to develop ovarian cancer...for which there is no good screening test. I'm not planning to use my ovaries for anything, but am I ready to have them removed to reduce my risk of a recurrence of cancer? I guess I'll make that decision in a few weeks...if it turns out I need to.
So for now, I continue to wait and see. That seems to be the M.O. for me since that problematic mammogram back in October, which seems like forever ago.
I count my blessings every day that I really got off quite easy as far as cancer goes. And I know that with the support of my friends and family I can handle whatever is thrown at me next.
The other side effect I'm experiencing, however, is very clearly being caused by the radiation. The skin over my entire breast and under my left arm appears sunburned. Very sunburned. Very much like in this picture I found on the internet:
It doesn't hurt or itch much except where the elastic band of my bra rubs right under the breast. But medical professionals keep asking me if it hurts or itches, which makes me think I'm getting off pretty easy. They gave me a special cream to rub on it to soothe it, and that helps. Sometimes the whole breast feels like it's on fire. But most of the time I'm still able to completely forget that I'm going through cancer treatment at all.
Next week will bring some more new experiences. On Tuesday I'll have a CT Scan and an ultrasound to see how things look on the inside. The final eight radiation treatments will be focused on just the cavity where the tumor was removed (if one remains at all), so the ultrasound will give the doctors a better look at that so they can plan. And sometime this next week I'll have to have some blood drawn so I can be tested for BRCA, the genetic mutation commonly known as the breast cancer gene.
I met with a genetic oncologist a while back to discuss this testing. We weighed out my risk factors.
On the one side, the type of breast cancer I had is not often caused by this genetic mutation. On the other side, I am abnormally young for breast cancer to have appeared without some sort of genetic predisposition. And given my mother's history of breast cancer, my insurance company agreed that this expensive test was worth it for me.
If the test comes back that I do not carry this genetic mutation, then we know that my cancer was a fluke and unlikely to repeat itself. If it comes back that I do carry the genetic mutation, then I will have some decisions to make. Do I pursue preventative surgeries? I probably would not choose to do preventative mastectomy like Christina Applegate did. The return of breast cancer is fairly easy to catch with proper screening, and I don't see any need to take action on that until cancer returns...if cancer returns. But the difficult decision will be about my ovaries. In pre-menopausal women, the estrogen produced by the ovaries is the primary cause of breast cancer. And women who carry the BRCA genetic mutation are significantly more likely to develop ovarian cancer...for which there is no good screening test. I'm not planning to use my ovaries for anything, but am I ready to have them removed to reduce my risk of a recurrence of cancer? I guess I'll make that decision in a few weeks...if it turns out I need to.
So for now, I continue to wait and see. That seems to be the M.O. for me since that problematic mammogram back in October, which seems like forever ago.
I count my blessings every day that I really got off quite easy as far as cancer goes. And I know that with the support of my friends and family I can handle whatever is thrown at me next.
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