Why?

Today is one of my "why?" days.

My radiation burn is peeling.  It itches and hurts.  The cavity where my tumor used to be is now the sole target of a stronger radiation treatment.  And it aches.  And all I can do is ask why.

I don't want to know why I have to go through this.  I want to know why I am so fortunate.  Why was I spared the pain of a larger tumor...the emotional turmoil of mastectomy...the sickness and hair loss of chemo?  Why do I get to live when cancer takes the lives of so many who deserve to live?

These answers are not mine to know.  But still I wonder why.  And I am grateful that I get to do that wondering.