I've spent the last few days away from my computer, doing the family and holiday thing. It was nice to have a good distraction for a while. But now I am home. The gifts are all opened. And I still have cancer.
I think more than anything else I'm just good and ready for life to start moving forward. Let's get the cancer out. Start the radiation. Let me move toward my future cancer-free life. But instead I wait.
I keep telling myself everything is going to be fine. I will be cured. I'm lucky that this was found early. I'm lucky that I won't need chemo. But at the same time I'm freaking about the path ahead. I'm not sure how I'm going to balance my responsibilities at work with how tired the radiation is going to make me. And I know I'm going to have to give up my dreams of fun things I was hoping to do this spring. I won't get to audition for Oklahoma at Altoona Community Theatre like I had hoped. I can't think about planning a vacation for next summer. Any home improvement projects will be off the table.
Maybe I'm being selfish. But I think I may need to be a little selfish for a while. I need to look out for me. For my health. It's me versus cancer. I have to be at least a little selfish if I'm going to win, right? Am I right?
Right!! You are allowed to be totally and completely selfish! Your health is more important than anything...including work! They will have to learn to get along with what you are able to give while you take this journey. Vacations can be postponed, there will be other shows for which you will audition (and blow people away with your voice), but only if you take care of you!
ReplyDeleteKnow that you are not alone in your journey. All of the friends that love you very much are just within reach of the phone! I know you...you're a fighter....cancer better watch its back!